Christ Speaking -- Matthew

This list shows the "spoken version" of each verse of Christ's words in Matthew. It adds interactions with audiences, pauses, and other interactions you would see in a spoken presentation. The word order follows the order of the original Greek much more closely than other English so that the humor works correctly, especially the punch lines. This work is being done as part of a new version capturing the Gospel of Matthew from a different perspective.
Matthew 22:38 This is the first and great commandment.
Matthew 15:5 But you say, Whoever shall says [to his] father
Matthew 17:9 Tell the vision to no man,
Matthew 18:12 What do you think? If a man has an hundred sheep,
Matthew 21:22 And all things, whatever you shall ask in prayer...
Matthew 22:30 For in the resurrection they neither marry,
Matthew 20:19 And shall deliver him to the Gentiles to mock,..
Matthew 22:40 On these two commandments hang all the law
Matthew 15:6 And he need not honor his father nor his mother.
Matthew 16:3 And in the morning, foul weather today:
Matthew 17:11 Elias truly shall first come
Matthew 18:13 And if it is that he finds it,
Matthew 21:27 Neither shall I tell you by what authority...
Matthew 22:31 But as touching the resurrection of the dead,
Matthew 23:3 All therefore whatever
Matthew 20:28 Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto,
Matthew 22:43 How then did David in spirit
Matthew 15:7 Ye hypocrites, well did Esaias prophesy of you,
Matthew 16:4 A wicked and adulterous generation seeks after a sign
Matthew 17:17 O faithless and perverse generation,
Matthew 18:14 Even so it is not the will of your Father
Matthew 22:37 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
Matthew 21:3 And if any man say ought unto you...
Matthew 22:44 The LORD said unto my Lord,
Matthew 15:11 That which goes into the mouth
Matthew 16:6 Take heed and beware of the leaven
Matthew 17:20 Because of your unbelief: for ...
Matthew 18:15 Moreover if your brother shall trespass against you,
Matthew 21:34 And when the time of the fruit drew near...
Matthew 22:42 What do you think of the Christ?
Matthew 21:30  And he came to the second, and said likewise
Matthew 22:45  If David then call him Lord,
Matthew 15:13 Every plant, which my heavenly Father
Matthew 16:8 Oh you of little faith, why reason
Matthew 17:21 But this kind goes not out except
Matthew 18:16 But if he will not hear [you, then]
Matthew 21:35 And the husbandmen took his servants, and beat one...
Matthew 21:36 Again, he sent other servants more than the first:
Matthew 23:6 And love the uppermost rooms at feasts,
Matthew 15:14 Let them alone: they be blind leaders
Matthew 16:9 Do you not yet understand, nor remember
Matthew 17:22 The Son of man shall be betrayed
Matthew 18:17 And if he shall neglect to hear them,
Matthew 21:37 But last of all he sent unto them his son,...
Matthew 23:4 For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne,
Matthew 21:38  But when the husbandmen saw the son,
Matthew 23:7 And greetings in the markets,
Matthew 15:16 Are you also yet without understanding?
Matthew 16:11 How is it that you do not understand that I spoke [it] not to you concerning bread,
Matthew 17:25 What do you think, Simon?
Matthew 18:18 ...Whatsoever you shall bind on earth
Matthew 21:42 Did you never read in the scriptures...
Matthew 15:8 This people draweth nigh unto me
Matthew 21:39  And they caught him, and cast him
Matthew 23:10 Neither are you called masters:
Matthew 15:17 Do you not yet understand,
Matthew 16:13 Whom do men say that I
Matthew 17:26 Then are the children free.
Matthew 21:43 Therefore I tell you, The kingdom of God
Matthew 23:8 But do not let yourself be called Rabbi: